Finding rest and letting genius go

Korea is a fast paced culture that likes to keep things always busy, always crowded, always moving. I've long admired my grandmother and mother for having an unparalleled work ethic and a kind of determined dedication that I seem to lack, and after living in Korea these past nine months, I certainly understand a little more about where that comes from. This nation is definitely full of some of the hardest workers I have ever met.

But there are also some major side effects to Korea's cultural obsession with "go," and the constant need to compete for success. South Korea, currently ranked at number nine, has the fastest growing suicide rate in the world-- a statistic that is particularly high among men and is growing most rapidly among young people. It is widely acknowledged that, like many of their parents, students here are vastly overworked. Youth often attend school from 730 to 11 or 12-- not including the time needed to complete the homework for all those classes. Families are having fewer and fewer children because the cost of a child's education, in order to give him or her a chance in such a competitive culture and economy, is so overwhelmingly high. This issue is so widespread in fact that the government has recently taken measures to send state workers home early once a week, in order that they might spend more time with their families and, essentially, make more babies.

By Korean standards, and probably by American standards as well, my own workload here is far from overwhelming. I go to work from 830 to 430 or 5 everyday, and rarely does that work carry over into the evenings or weekends. But as someone long prone to over-committing myself, I have struggled not to overextend myself in my personal life. The temptation to over-commit is powerful because, culturally, it feels appropriate here to be constantly going, constantly busy-- not to mention, it is a way of life that I actually enjoy. I really desire and derive joy from being invested in my life here, from experiencing as much as I can in the short time that I am here, and from not feeling that a single moment is going to waste. But, just as there are side effects to this kind of lifestyle which effect the whole of Korean society, there are also side effects that have been wearing down on me. Over a month ago I got sick and was unable to get rid of it for over three weeks. It definitely wasn't fun, but I was surprised to find that, despite the inconvenience of being exhausted, tired and ill, I was actually grateful for the excuse to pause and let myself take a break-- not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I had pushed myself to a place where my body, mind and spirit had become desperately thirsty for rest.

It's unfortunate that it took a virus knocking me off of my feet to get me to take this pause, but I am glad that I have had time to recoup and give consideration to how I want to prioritize the remainder of my time in Korea.

A big part of the reason that I want to stay in Korea for another year (after my time in Haiti) is to continue to explore and nurture certain interests and sides of myself that have (re)surfaced in me over the course of the past year. One of those things, which I have mentioned before, is doing art-- in particular writing-- for the sake of experiencing joy, creativity and release. For the past few months, though, writing has become rather a source of fear, anxiety and burden; it has begun to feel less like a release and more like just another thing to check off on my "to do" list. And I certainly am not satisfied to let things continue this way. Fortunately, while seeking inspiration on a friend's blog, I came across this talk by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) in which she talks about constructing a kind of psychological distance between yourself, your work, and the inspiration and creativity that you long to capture and release in it. Though I'm obviously no professional writer, I found her thoughts quite insightful and helpful. Her humor is also really refreshing-- completely foreign to my own tendency to take myself far too seriously.



After following her advice today, I am able to find a lot more joy and freedom as I work on my current creative project. It's nice to feel energized and rested in my efforts, rather than stressed and drained.

And, on a different note, I am very excited to see the upcoming movie based on Gilbert's book. LOVE Julia Roberts.